North County Moms, did you know that we have a bestselling author of 12 exceptional novels living amongst us? Her name is Renée Carlino, and she’s also a co-screenwriter, with none other than Julia Stiles. Together these talented women have adapted Renée’s popular book, Wish You Were Here, to film.
In addition to being a novelist and a screenwriter, Renée is also the mother of two teenage sons. With her husband — a multi-award winning professional in production design — they’re raising their sons and John Snow Cash, their precious fur baby. Renée’s creative pursuits, kindness, and her role as mom and wife make her this week’s standout Meet a Mom!
I had the pleasure of reading Renée’s latest book this summer, This Used to Be Us. As Julia Stiles raved, it’s “hilarious, unnervingly relatable, and romantic… in the best way.” And I agree completely. I wanted to have at least one of Renée’s books read and digested before barraging her questions. It’s such a good read.
I can’t wait to take on the others, beginning with Wish You Were Here. It’ll be great to have the story fresh in my mind as we await the film’s release in 2025.
Until then, I suggest you read our interview and buy the books. I hope you enjoy our conversation. I certainly did!
This Used to Be Us — from manuscript to novel
Renée: Well, first of all, thank you. I am honored that you read and reviewed “This Used to Be Us.”
María: It’s was a pleasure and one of favorite early morning tasks for a handful of weeks during the summer as I prepared for our interview. It’s such a fun read that surprised me in many ways that we’ll be discussing. But let’s begin, as they say, at the beginning. Tell us, when did you know that you would write for a living? Did it start as a love of reading?
Renée: I am asked this question often. I didn’t know I would write for a living until I got my first 3-book deal. By that time, I had written thousands upon thousands of words. There was no expectation of making money or writing consistently for the rest of my life.
However, I can look back from early childhood on and see my natural affinity and moderate aptitude for writing. I wrote many short stories and poems as a young person. Even after completing a full-length manuscript, I still did not make the declaration that I am a writer. It took years to feel comfortable saying it.
Because of its subjectivity, there is a deeply intrinsic doubt involved it creating art with the expectation that others will appreciate it.
María: That’s so true. One of the hardest things to do is releasing your work to the masses to scrutinize, not knowing if it will be loved and embraced or rejected and abandoned. But after penning your twelfth novel, I’m sure those worries are much less yours as each title must bring a sense of renewed success.
Can you describe your interest in film and screenwriting? And how did it develop into novel writing?
Renée: I love the idea of storytelling in any form. I used to be obsessed with photography and film and how thought-provoking and evocative they can be.
I received a film degree in 2001 and thought I would see the stories in my mind play out on the screen. At some point along the way, I fell in love with novel writing, and that’s simply what happened. I see film, screenwriting, and novel writing living in the same space in my head.
María: This Used to Be Us is the last book I read over the summer, and it’s your latest title, #12 and easily discovered on the display tables with front-of-the-store placement at our local bookstores. (Shout out to Barnes & Noble Encinitas — the location where I beelined to purchase your book!)
For those who haven’t read it yet, let’s start with the logline. You zeroed in on a few fictional television series loglines in the book. What would you say is the logline for This Used to Be Us?
Renée: I think the epigraph, though a bit obscure, would work as a decent logline. It’s a TAO CHE CHING quote… “Amidst the rush of worldly comings and goings, observe how endings become beginnings.” I think this fits well because “THIS USED TO BE US” is not only about second chances or second acts, it’s about slowing down to appreciate the important things in life.
María: Wow, so true. You know your words well and that epigraph encapsulates the throughline succinctly.
Why did you write the book?
Renée: I write all of my books because I love being in a world where I can see myself, my actions, and the outcomes in third-person. I write to figure out my own life. I write for myself. If it reaches another person or moves them…that is the icing on the cake.
María: Had you lived with the idea of Danielle and Alexander — the protagonists of the novel — in your head for a period and found yourself needing to reveal their story? Or is Dani the the primary protagonist?
Renée: I believe the main protagonist is the marriage itself. If people read it thinking it’s Danielle, I believe that is either the reader’s natural, personal projection or the reader’s assumption of me.
I don’t doubt that there is influence of my own, being a woman, but the truth is that all of the characters are amalgamations of my experiences.
Renée’s writing process and advice to aspiring authors
María: What a way to work through and reconcile life events through the words and experiences of the characters in your stories. Since we’re on the topic, what is the writing process like for you? Do you have a special writing space?
Renée: As far as my process and writing space, I write very early in the morning with some coffee, at my desk with the same keyboard I’ve used for more than 15 years. It’s not a very romantic scene.
María: Yeah, I can imagine. You’ve described a scene that appears very similar to mine. Writing is such a singular process with common threads that unite the individual scribes.
I love taking advantage of the wee small hours of the morning, while the [whole house] is fast asleep (to borrow some lyrics from Frank, Sinatra, that is). It’s my time to have uninterrupted conversations with my keyboard with a 1/4 cup of black coffee, refilled a handful of times. Thanks for sharing a scene from one of your writer’s episodes. Uber relatable!
We know that writing is a discipline. What’s your process to execute daily?
Renée: Writing is indeed a discipline. It takes exercise and commitment to complete a project. For me, the energy and high I get from the action of writing daily is exhilarating, so it doesn’t feel like a chore.
I think you have to love the process, otherwise it’s not sustainable. I tell aspiring writers often that if they don’t love sitting at a computer and making up stories, they should look for something else.
María: After authoring twelve books, what advice do you have for aspiring authors?
Renée: Many people love the idea of being a writer. To that I say, if you understand that potentially no one will ever read your work, not even family members, and potentially you will not make a dime off of your work, but yet you still write consistently, then nothing is impossible. The concepts will come easy.
María: I love the way you devised Dani’s and Alex’s alternating chapters, written in first person. Yours was the first novel I’ve read that allowed the reader into the thoughts and POV of two characters.
How and why did you decide to write the story that way?
Renée: I wrote this story in dual perspectives because I wanted the relationship to be the main character. It seemed natural to hear it from both sides.
María: As a woman, how did you get inside the head of a man headed toward divorce? Was it difficult?
Renée: Writers often have to get inside the head of people very different from them, so no, it was not difficult. I drew from interactions and my experiences. It’s very helpful to be curious about the people you interact
with. Asking lots of questions and being an inquisitive person provided me a bit of insight.
María: You seem to lean into the act of loving in your writing as opposed to love as simply a concept. True?
Renée: Yes, I highlight the beauty in the act of loving — to love as opposed to love as a construct.
María: How do you come up with the titles of your books? Do the book titles come first or does the story?
Renée: The original title of this book was “The Apartment.” I usually have a few different ideas for the title and ultimately leave that decision to the publisher…with my approval of course. “This Used to Be Us” seemed fitting after the whole process was finished. “The Apartment” felt a bit ominous. I wanted readers to know this was a relationship book and that it was about reflection.
María: Having read the book, and recalling the scenes as you so vividly described them, This Used to Be Us is spot on and seemed to have one meaning as I began the book but evolved into another more significant meaning when I came to the end.
Without zeroing in on any spoilers… yet… in This Used to Be Us, can you tell us if any surprise occurrences were predetermined landmines that you weaved a pathway to include, or were they plot twists that occurred organically? Or were they occurrences based on actual life experiences or those you learned of secondhand?
Renée: If you looked at an elementary plot diagram, I usually know all of those components before I write a single word. It’s been worked out in my mind. However, there are surprises within each chapter, each paragraph, sometimes each line. There is wonder and discovery in the process.
My life does influence the writing from day to day, though I can’t say it’s a blueprint of actual events that have happened to me. I am influenced by everything around me.
Adapting Wish You Were Here to film with Julia Stiles
María: Will This Used to Be Us follow a path similar to one of its predecessors, Wish You Were Here, and find its way to film?
Renée: One can only hope.
María: I would love that for you. I’m manifesting it into reality right now. 😉
Tell us about the journey for Wish You Were Here and how it caught the attention of Julia Stiles. I’m so curious to know how the popular actress (now the screenwriter and producer, who has directed and shot the screenplay — that you wrote together!) reached out to you expressing interest in an adaptation.
Renée: Julia is a wonderful person. She loved the book and wanted to see it come to life. She along with Gabby Kono and Molly Connors were determined to make it. Adapting it was an easy and smooth process because of the passion from everyone involved.
María: Wow. That must have been somewhat mind-blowing and kind of a pinch-me moment when you first learned of Julia’s interest and the team’s dedication. I’m beyond eager to read the book now in anticipation of the film.
Speaking of the roll out, when is the release date? Where can we see it?
Renée: Wish You Were Here, the film, is finished, and is slated for a 2025 release. I don’t know the exact date or where exactly it will be available.
María: No worries, I’ll be sure to keep those in our TNCM audience updated when it drops!
Who are the lead characters?
Renée: The lead roles are played by Isabelle Fuhrman, Mena Massoud, Kelsey Grammer, Jennifer Grey, and Gabby Kono.
María: Where was it shot?
Renée: It was shot entirely in New Jersey.
María: Is this your first film to get the Hollywood treatment? How does it feel to have one of your books loved so much by someone with great name recognition, laud your work and then tell you she’d like to turn it into a feature?
Renée: This is my first story to make it all the way to production and completion as a film and it all felt great. I’ve seen it, it’s beautiful and surreal to see the words to come to life.
María: Do you write with the intent that your words might become dialogue in a script?
Renée: I don’t necessarily have the expectation that my stories will become a film, otherwise I would just write the screenplays. Novel writing is much richer, more difficult and time consuming than screenwriting. That said, I do visualize them like one would see a film.
María: Good point about first writing a novel and not a screenplay. And your fans, me included, are happy that we get the satisfaction of reading your novels and digesting your stories in written form.
Watching characters’ words (that were once in print) come to life in a film format (as movie dialogue) is a different experiential sensation, as you absorb the scenes and the actors voicing your words. Looking forward to participating in that process with Wish You Were Here before the movie’s release date.
Plot decisions and final outcomes
María: [SPOILER ALERT] As I finished reading This Used to Be Us, the following were some of the questions that came to mind as I read:
When I first read that Dani punches Beth Zinn in the face before leaving her wrap party for “Yours and Mine,” I’m at first disappointed.
But I realize my reaction must be exactly what you wanted to inspire in your audience — a gut punch that feels out of character for Dani, and one that conjures up a dissociative experience that Dani reveals to the readers.
Why did you decide to have Dani respond with a facial blow to Beth?
Renée: I don’t think I was thinking about the reader when I decided to have Dani punch Beth. I was thinking about Dani being at her wit’s end. It definitely was not a device to shock readers. Throughout the book, Dani is a bit of a live wire so I don’t think it was totally out-of-character, considering the great deal of pressure she was under and the persistent abuse from Beth.
Though you are definitely on to something when you say jarring readers out of complacency. This is what needed to happen to Beth in her obsession, and to Dani and Alex in their relationship. They all needed to be jarred out of complacency. That is probably true of many long-term relationships in the world.
I was also reaching the point in the story when I needed to tie up loose ends. so it felt like a natural resolution. It was not to resolve Beth’s conflicts, it was to resolve Dani’s conflict with Beth. It felt important to show Dani secure enough to say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.” Violence is not ever a solution, this was just a way to show that Beth was not ever a problem.
María: Well said. I love that explanation. Thanks for sharing the deep dive. I agree; Dani did need to have closure on that time in her life that affected her existence so thoroughly. It really was a great moment followed by another that [SPOILER ALERT] landed her in jail!
Continuing with specifics inside the front and back covers, here are my notes where I jotted my gut reaction having just read pg. 331, from Chapter 32, “I Need You”:
“I like happy endings. ALS, really?! I’m so sad right now… crying, I’ll have you know; later I read that crying is a barometer you use to gauge if you have written an effective story that is thought-provoking and moving. Success! I’m hesitant to finish the book, just pages away from the ending. All at once, I can’t help but wonder how this book will end.
Was that the intention? Was it to make your readers wonder how love is rectified in the face of death? So well conceived and written — getting readers invested in rooting for Dani and Alex’ s fate as a couple.
Renée: You are correct. It is absolutely my intention to write stories that make me feel alive, and in doing so, with enough heart, I believe it can make readers feel more alive too. I hope that it is as cathartic to read this story as it was for me to write it. My hope is that after the crying is done, there is a sense of renewal. It’s the main theme of the book.
I sobbed my way through writing This Used to be Us. It felt great to be reminded of the things I truly value in life. One of my favorite quotes is from Robert Frost, “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.”
María: Incredible. Words so keenly attuned to what creates a novel worth reading. In a sense, you took the [road] less traveled by, and that has made all the difference, since we’re invoking Robert Frost. Loved the beauty of the evolving moment while reading it despite the sadness it inspired.
Music and fonts
Another moving creative device is music. I loved the way you embedded music within the narrative in a meaningful way affecting both the characters and your readers.
I grew up with an appreciation of Chet Baker. I consider him an obscure jazz artist from generations ago, though I’d been familiar with his music as a kid and a child of music lovers. So I was pleasantly taken aback to find him referenced early in the book, followed by a variety of other musicians and singers throughout Dani and Alex’s journey.
Is music an integral part of your life? Were you already familiar with the artists you included in Dani and her dad’s record repertoire? My guess is that’s something you grew up on, too? Please share.
Renée: Yes, I always have music playing. I love all kinds of music but usually listen to atmospheric rock or instrumental while I write. I used music to tie the memories because so many of my childhood and early adulthood memories are tied to music.
María: This still makes me giggle: One of my favorite parts of the book was describing people as fonts. Comic Sans or Times New Roman. I don’t think you have to be a writer to appreciate what you were conveying. I thought it was genius!
Generally, do you see people as font types?
Renée: That is definitely a Dani characteristic, though I could probably attach a font to quite a few people I know.
The Carlino Collection
María: Love seeing all the books that now make up quite the anthology. So, count me in on the next eleven in the Carlino Collection! I’m looking forward to getting to know the other personas you’ve brought to life.
I’m obviously most curious about Wish You Were Here since it seems to have received the most love in the collection to date.
Renée: Thank you so much. I think you’ll find similarities in all my books.
María: Of all the books you’ve written, what’s your favorite title in the Carlino Collection?
Renée: I don’t have a favorite, but I’ve been asked this question many times, and I usually say it’s the book I’m currently writing because I am living in it and it feels alive.
María: I can totally relate to the in-the-moment tactile familiarity of the current work in motion. What’s unfamiliar is having a movie attached to one of your prized creative expressions.
How does it feel to have a movie soon to be released and in existence because you wrote the book that animated the action that generated the actors’ dialogue — that is truly a piece of you?
Renée: It feels great and a bit surreal.
María: After finishing the book, I’ve since read that you were a film student and a screenwriter before becoming a successful novelist. So, I get the show-don’t-tell imperative that must come naturally to you.
Do you think your skill at describing scenes is one of the secrets to your success? (Notice how I call them scenes and not chapters, because the images you wrote are stored in my mind like scenes from a movie.)
Renée: I think the people who appreciate my books the most are people who appreciate film.
Exploring North County
Finally, since you’re a North County Mom, like so many in our audience, we’d love to delve into some local lifestyle stuff that you and your family enjoy. If you’ll indulge us…
María: After a long day of writing, what’s your preferred way to unwind?
Renée: Having two sons who surf, you can usually find me at the beach.
María: Describe how your family factors into your professional goals and aspirations.
Renée: I think because I enjoy writing so much it never feels like a chore. I am also a very high energy person, so I manage balancing the busy schedule fairly well. I think it takes being able to switch gears with ease and take everything in stride.
María: How long have you lived in North County? Is San Diego your hometown?
Renée: I grew up in San Diego County, went to college in LA and lived all around the LA area for many years before moving back and settling in North County.
María: Do you spend a lot of time heading up the 5 to LA, especially when the film was in production?
Renée: Actually the entire Wish You Were Here film was shot in New Jersey. Julia and all the producers are East Coasters.
María: Ahh, the cross-country commute. What a great experience.
Speaking of traveling, how do you balance promotional tours, novel writing, and screenwriting while being a mom? Does your husband or extended family pinch-hit when you’re pulled in other directions?
Renée: I have a very involved husband who I know I’m fortunate to be able to lean on while I chase my professional and creative pursuits.
María: Tell us about your sons. Like me, you’re a boy mom. What are your thoughts on raising sons?
Renée: I always wanted two boys. They’re my buddies. I was terrified to have a girl. I never wished for it. Once I had the two boys I knew my family was complete. I love being a boy mom.
María: Me, too! My three spunky dudes keep the fun (and the unpredictable) alive.
What else can you share with us about life your kids and husband?
Renée: We have a lot of similar interests along with my husband who is an Academy Nominated, BAFTA winning set decorator. He has a very busy schedule but devotes his free time to family. He loves the beach with all of us, surfing with the boys, our beloved San Diego Padres, and of course, movies, movies, movies.
María: Do you and the family have a favorite restaurant in San Diego?
Renée: In all honesty it’s either Fish 101, or Rudy’s Taco Shop. Basically places we can go to while covered in sand.
María: SoCal living for sure! Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us! It was a pleasure getting to chat with you. I’m so happy to know that such an accomplished writer and screenwriter, and her equally talented and celebrated husband, live among us in lovely San Diego.
I can’t wait to share news of the Wish You Were Here release. I hope we can chat again about that and other projects!
Photos courtesy of Renée Carlino and Chris Wojdak Photography
By Maria Felicia Kelley
Founder & Publisher of The North County Moms
@thenorthcountymoms | @1MariaFelicia
More features on The North County Moms:
Meet a Mom — Mackenzie Rubish — North County Winner of Roku’s The Great American Baking Show
Get to Know Dr. Breanne Reid — Great Smiles Pediatric Dentistry & Orthodontics
Meet Nutritionist Francesca Orlando — Healthful Living SD
Meet a Dad — Actor, Marcus Hanson!
Meet María Felicia Kelley, Author & Founder — The North County Moms
